i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
