Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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