Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Vodka?
Forever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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