I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
