My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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