Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
