no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize