If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
