Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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