Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
