you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
