Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize