Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
