well I can't set my house on fire every night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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