Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
