Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need water and some morals
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
