Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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