I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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