I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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