so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
