"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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