I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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