Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
