she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
