can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
