Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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