OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do vagina's smell?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
