I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm passing your future prison.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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