ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
