Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
