I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
