I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's like iHOP with fire
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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