Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
