it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
