I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
