I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
