I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
