It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Operation Purity has been aborted
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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