your room smells of hookers.
And success
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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