I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
