Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize