Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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