I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
