I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
