i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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