dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
