i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
