and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
