11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
