Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
