the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
