Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
