I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
