I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
