everyone is single if you try hard enough
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
