he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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