Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
