Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
