Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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