i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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