He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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