Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
