I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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