My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize