I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
