So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
