He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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