3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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