Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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